Monthly Archives: October 2011

The following post was contributed by Justin Gottlieb who is the founder and creative director of Social Shark NYC.  Social Shark guides the boys of Manhattan into becoming the men of Manhattan.  Sometimes raunchy, sometimes shocking, always honest.

When first pursuing a woman, one of the most difficult things to gauge is: How often do you contact her? Every woman has their number of Preferred Text or Call Occurrences (PTCO) over a period of time. Some of the more independent women may only like to get texts once or twice a week from a guy that is “courting” them. Other women may want assurance of a man’s interest by way of more frequent texts and calls.

Deciphering this is hard enough. Now throw in the fact that the number of PTCO can change based on her level of attraction to a guy, her personal situation, how she met you, and her mood that day. So, maybe she is really into you and with every little envelope that pops up on her phone with your name under it, jubilation and joy runs through her veins warming her heart. On the other hand, if she has a lot going on in her personal life (sick family member, lingering ex-boyfriend, problems at work etc.), maybe your texts are a burden. Perhaps she’s upset and the triple header text combo you just sent her made her delete your number in fit of rage.

If you are looking for the answer to how many texts per day/week/month are appropriate you’re not going to find it. That number is a fluid equation filled with human emoticons that simply has too many variables to be predicted. However, more often than not, you can lose a woman’s interest by being too available, and yes that does include texts.  Don’t get me wrong: PTCO is not intended to be manipulative… and I’m not teaching guys how to “play the game” by seeming unavailable.  On the contrary, I’m helping the overzealous guy who might be incredibly nice but suffocate a potentially awesome relationship with overtexting.

BUT: If too many texts can mean too available, can too few texts do you harm as well? (continue reading here)

Gents: Last week, we embarrassingly showed you what NOT to do on the dance floor. This week, we jump into tips for what you SHOULD do.

Today’s lesson lies in the initial approach:

If you’ve had awkward first dates with people you met online, then this is for you!  We’ve analyzed do’s and don’ts from dozens of respondents and came up with our checklist:

1. Managing Expectations – Try not to send too many messages back and forth online before meeting someone in person.  Every time you interact online or even over the phone, you add more detail to the (phony) image in your mind of what the other person looks like, acts like, talks like, etc.  BUT: the other person will never exactly match your image – and that is usually a letdown.  So: while we’re not saying we favor blind dates… think of Sparkology as a way of validating that the guy/girl is worth a shot and then go for it! Nothing beats real chemistry.
2. Talking is Good, but Experiencing is Better – Ever wonder why it was so easy to make connections with people in college?  It’s because you were involved in a common task, a common challenge, or a common activity.  You could relate over that ridiculous Bio exam.  Or that absurd English Literature paper.  So, the ideal first date is somewhere you can both use an ancillary object to create a shared experience around.  Here are some examples:
   • Food/Drinks – The classic date involves food.  Why?  (i) Because everyone eats, so you can relate to the cuisine you like or your past eating experiences and (ii) because you have the shared experience of browsing through the menu, discussing the choices, critiquing the meal, etc.  On a first date, though, we’d recommend cocktails and tapas (or appetizers).  They still provide you with fun subject matter without a substantial time or monetary commitment.
   • Outdoors – Walking around exciting areas of the city (St. Marks, LES, Tribecca, etc.) is great because you get to react to your surroundings, weaving through cute walkways, (more…)

Our launch party was incredible, with way more people coming out than we ever expected!  The show of support meant so much to us as we continue to build the world’s best dating experience for young professionals.

Here are some photos from Saturday’s event.  There were also hundreds of photos taken for our members to use as their profile pictures… but those have been posted only for our members to see.

Big shout-out to our sponsors, Voli Vodka and Blue State Beer for helping everyone get camera-ready!

123►

This may be the most embarrassing yet hilarious thing I’ve done.  How often do you get to see a CEO breakdance and fall on his ass?

Yue Xu, friend and founder of www.Singlefied.com, also happens to be a hip hop dancer.  I also have some dance training and after witnessing yet another dance floor debacle on a Friday night in Murray Hill, we rallied to expand on the dance lessons learned from Will Smith in Hitch. Here’s the first video of a series dedicated to getting men comfortable with the sexy chicas on the dance floor.

Before we get to the dancing do’s, we’ll first review some common dancing mistakes:

Ladies: We know you can relate!  Tell us which other dance faux pas you see on your nights out.  Tweet them to @SparkTips or post to facebook.com/sparkology.  We’ll pick the best one for me to do on camera in real life at a real bar!  What will it be?  The worm?  The stalker?  The ninja?  Describe the act and make up a name.  Creativity points!

What!?!?!?  Blasphemy!!!  Did a man just say that?  Yes gents, I know it may seem like I’m shooting us in the foot here… but trust me, this will benefit everyone in the long run.

Women are, and always have been the smarter gender.  And you have several methods at your disposal for exerting control over your male counterparts.  For example, you know that by playing the “innocent, unknowing girl” card, you can get a guy to fix anything around the house.  And that’s completely OK… because you get the pleasure of a fixed light switch and the man gets to feel heroic.  (assuming you don’t want to fix it yourself, of course)

One of the greatest tools in your toolkit is, “The Challenge.”  Most men simply cannot turn away from a challenge made by a girl.  We thrive off of it.  It’s hard enough for us to back off from a challenge posed by a guy… but backing off from a girl isn’t an option.  Just try asking a guy if he’s strong enough to open that jar…

And yes: we typically relish in the chase/hunt/challenge that often occurs at the start of the relationship.  We need to earn the woman – prove to her that we are worthy.

Except: when a woman sleeps with a man on the first date.  Then there’s no (more…)