36 Questions to Strengthen Your Love

How to fall in love in online dating and off

Arthur Aron conducted a study that explored whether intimacy accelerated a relationship. Ultimately, he and his team, came up with the following 36 questions which are thought to help increase your love for each other.

You may notice the questions are broken up into three sets. Each set is intended to be more probing than the previous one.

Does this work? You be the judge!

 Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set 2

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

 Set 3

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

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Happy Couple Checklist

how to be a happy couple in an online dating world

1- EFT=  electronic free time. Having your eyes glued to a smartphone screen isn’t exactly conducive to romance! Schedule time for just the two of you. Dinner, Saturdays, or an hour before bed. Make the deal and stick to it ;)

2-  Do it. At least once a week. The average American gets busy about two or three times a month, but increasing your romps to once a week generates as much bliss as scoring an extra $50,000 in income, according to researchers from Dartmouth College and the University of Warwick in England.

3. Ask exploratory questions! You can never know enough about someone else. The questions about life, opinions and advice should be constant ;) Examples: What would you do if you win the lottery? What makes you happy? What do you like most about life?

4- Be realistic and know that everyone makes mistakes.

5- Allow for your significant other to disagree. Ultimately you shouldn’t be looking to date yourself. Respect each other’s opinions and allow for obstacles. Working through these obstacles together increases happiness and a couples bond.

6- Give each other compliments. It is always important to be positive and express your gratitude!

7- Do nice things for each other.

8- Recall moments that involved “shared laughter”.

9-  Stop pointing fingers. People make mistakes. Focus on solving the problem and working together as partners. Don’t get caught up on trying to find who’s to blame.

10- Kiss a lot. Kiss good morning, kiss good night, and kiss many times in between.

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Wedding Season Blues

how singles find a date at a wedding

As summer approaches, so does the infamous wedding season! Although coming together with old friends and family to celebrate the union of two very important people in your life should be a joyous occasion, it is perfectly normal to feel slightly down at the same time. Some experience feelings of depression, shame, anger, and sadness.

While this may sound selfish to others, attending wedding after wedding as a single guest is no easy task.

Most Common Points of Panic

  1. Will I be losing a friend?
  2. Do I need to find a date?
  3. Will others be wondering why I don’t have a date?
  4. If I bring a date, will others be wondering why we aren’t married?
  5.  Will I ever find love?
  6. Will I ever get married?

New research from USC’s Marshall School revealed that reminding consumers of relationships they don’t have reduces their sense of ‘deservingness’.

How to Get Out of Your Funk

  1. Make sure you wear an outfit that makes you feel confident! Your level of confidence will have a huge impact on your ability to let lose and have fun at the wedding.
  2. Stop thinking in terms of what you don’t have an focus on what there is to be grateful for!
  3. I can almost assure you that you won’t be the only single person at the wedding.
  4. On that note, you might even meet your significant other while partying the night away!
  5. Sign up for Sparkology and find the match you are looking for. There is still time to find that perfect date!

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How to End an Awkward Conversation on a Date

How to get out of a bad date

What’s worse than being stuck on a horrible date and having to engage in an awkward conversation? I can fully relate to the anxiety provoked by such a horrible situation. Sometimes you just don’t click.

The worst is when you run into them again on the street, after ignoring endless calls and texts. As you feel your blood pressure rising, you desperately feel the need for an exit strategy.

What Do You Do? 

I am here to help you escape that uncomfortable encounter in the quickest and easiest way possible.

A San Jose University graduate student conducted a study on the best way to end an awkward conversation and he came up with the following chart:

How to get out of a bad onlne date

As you can see, the best ways to exit a conversation are through the use of polite hinting, making excuses or turning the tables. The worst ways to end a conversation is by simply vanishing, being restless ( stop the fidgeting!) or simply being rude.

Examples 

1- If you are in a rush and need to get out of there you can just wrap things up abruptly

  •  “I’ve got to go”
  •  “ Take it easy, it was nice seeing you!”

2- If you meet them by coincidence on the street

  • “ It was good running into you, I’m on my way to meet _____!”
  •  “I’ve got a conference call I need to get ready for!

3- If you see them at a party

  • “I’ve got to go find my friends!”
  •  “ Please excuse me, I just saw someone I’ve been meaning to catch up with!”

4- If you are on a date

  • “ Thank you so much to taking the time to meet with me, but I’m not sure we are the right fit.”
  • “ I have a meeting in an hour, so we can really only meet for 45 minutes.”

PS-  When meeting someone for the first time, play it safe and meet for a drink or coffee. Keep it simple so that if things don’t click, you aren’t “stuck” for long.  But if you do click… then clear your calendar and enjoy the sparks!

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Knowing When to Log Off

When to log off an online dating site

While online dating definitely has its positives as listed in my previous post, it certainly can spark negative behaviors we should all look out for. These negative behaviors I speak of can be detrimental to a relationship when left unnoticed or unstopped.

The hardest part of online dating is knowing when to log off. Often times you meet someone you really enjoy spending time with, but you still feel the need to keep that “safety-net” just incase things don’t turn out as planned.

Who Does This Hurt Most?

Ultimately this may hurt you most, and here’s why: you aren’t giving anyone a proper chance and you aren’t allowing a true relationship to develop. You are training your mind to toy with the idea of the grass being greener on the other side. While it may be somewhat safe to have a backup plan, this specific backup plan will often times backfire.

This safety net may put you in a love-less limbo. Instead, make the commitment and give your love interest a real chance.

Sparkology has an abundant amount of  great potential matches. But, when you meet someone you click with, sign off or pause your profile and give that other person a true shot.

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Benefits of Online Dating

best online dating site in nyc

I am happy to say the negative stereotypes about online dating have been defeated. People are not only filling out their profiles in the privacy of their own home, they are also trying to find a match via their mobile phones while sitting in traffic or grocery shopping.

Now that we are no longer trying to convince the world that online dating is an acceptable and “cool” practice, I can focus on presenting you with the positives that come with searching for that soulmate via the internet.

Lists, Show Me The lists!  

1-In today’s world, there’s a dating site for everyone. Much like when advertising your product, you are able to choose a site that caters to your exact preference or demographic of choice.

  • WeWaited.com-Virgins who are waiting until marriage
  • Veggiedate.com- Vegetarian dating for vegetarian singles
  • Grindr.com- Men finding men
  • Cupidtino.com- Dating site for Apple fans.
  • Sparkology- Young NYC professionals

2- Always struggling to express your achievements and background when meeting someone? While online dating, you are able to show off your best qualities via an AboutMe section without sounding overly cocky or obnoxious.

3- Filters. Lot’s of them. Some sites allow you to filter your matches by height, ethnicities, location, income, religion, etc. The really great sites, like Sparkology, filter your results for you. They have pre-screened all possible matches and only show you other educated professionals in your area.

4- Talking online helps ease your nerves when meeting in person for the first time.

5- Variety. No time to mope around while feeling rejected. If it doesn’t work out, there are plenty of fish in the sea, just a click away!

5- Cats out of the bag- everyone on there is looking to meet someone else. When you walk into a bar, you aren’t sure who is single or open to a relationship etc. This is especially true for sites the members pay for like Sparkology. Most people won’t pay for a dating site they don’t intend to take seriously.

6- He/She obviously finds you attractive. No need to play the guessing game with regards to looks.

7- Everyone’s doing it and most people have had success. Check out Sparkology’s list of happy endings here.

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